what is next?

What is the next move is my question now. my son's or our son's birthday finally came and went. yea, i will admit it was stressful, at a point i asked my self how i got into agreeing to have a 1st year party for him. i wanted the whole thing to be different and i did tried my best, but i will admit here that its not easy doing anything alone, especially where a child is involved. thankfully a friend of mine was availabe to drive me around but it was still stressful coupled with the fact that i didnt want K. (my son's dad) to have a cause to fault my effort, i know he wont say well done but for him to find a fault wld be demoralising. So so, the party didnt go as planned but it was still in a class of its own, so I thank God for that and for keeping our son and i bet i should be celebrating as well that i am one year in motherhood. Surprisly, grandma came (K.'s mum).

Not that i havent been missing K. all this while, but seeing him again and him going away within hours, just made my emotions run amock. Now i miss him so much, and i long for him every minute. i cldnt help it and i sent him a text the other day that i was missing him and i felt foolish immediately cos i know he doesnt feel that way about me.

my son is not feeling to well today and i am also missing his dad and i decided to use the excuse of mother's day to call him, finally summoned the courage to confirm what i already knew, that he has a girlfriend now. surprisingly i didnt feel bad and despite that i still miss him and pray that things would be different.

So, my question still remains, what is next, where do i go from here. For the first time in almost 32 years i want to be married and to who? the father of my child who presently doesnt give a hoot about me. Hmmmm, now i understand the phrase, "life is a bitch"

still searching, but am i searching the right place

hello, its been a while and a lot has actually gone by. my son's dad has been burging me about plans for our son's first birthday. The sad thing is i try as much as possible to relate to him as normal as i could without emotions, but its been very impossible. He has told me he might be coming for the birthday party and i am looking forward to him being a part of it.
though i am scared he might turn up and be arrogant and non chalant as he usually is. i called him yesterday and he was talking to someone in the background, i think is dating someone already, he as moved on while i am still here getting hot and cold on his every word.

Obviously and unfortunatly i am still madly in love, and why?  i cannot lay a finger on it. He has never done anything extra ordinary for me and in simple words he has used and dropped me and after all he has done i still long for him.

At last, a new begining

i had wanted to create this blog a while ago but never got a hang of it. finally its been done today 1st of January, 2007, a new year and beginning of good things , loads of happiness, and lots of love in my life.

there would definitely be loads of thots on this blog, probably not a day to day account of a mum seeking love and happiness from the father of her child, but loads to keep u up to date at regular intervals.

thanks, and have a fun filled new year, i hope u already have loads of love and happiness that i seek and if not i wish u the best in finding them this new year.

thanks