still searching, but am i searching the right place

hello, its been a while and a lot has actually gone by. my son's dad has been burging me about plans for our son's first birthday. The sad thing is i try as much as possible to relate to him as normal as i could without emotions, but its been very impossible. He has told me he might be coming for the birthday party and i am looking forward to him being a part of it.
though i am scared he might turn up and be arrogant and non chalant as he usually is. i called him yesterday and he was talking to someone in the background, i think is dating someone already, he as moved on while i am still here getting hot and cold on his every word.

Obviously and unfortunatly i am still madly in love, and why?  i cannot lay a finger on it. He has never done anything extra ordinary for me and in simple words he has used and dropped me and after all he has done i still long for him.

At last, a new begining

i had wanted to create this blog a while ago but never got a hang of it. finally its been done today 1st of January, 2007, a new year and beginning of good things , loads of happiness, and lots of love in my life.

there would definitely be loads of thots on this blog, probably not a day to day account of a mum seeking love and happiness from the father of her child, but loads to keep u up to date at regular intervals.

thanks, and have a fun filled new year, i hope u already have loads of love and happiness that i seek and if not i wish u the best in finding them this new year.

thanks